Friday morning was pretty emotional. I woke up pretty exhausted and just a bit teary. My husband came back into the room and found me just lying on the bed in tears. I’m just worried for our baby, that I’m doing the wrong thing. I know it’s horrible to think like that as I am so far along in the pregnancy (32 weeks) and I know I wouldn’t do anything as I already have so much love for this little one. But I’m just so scared. For their future, the battles they are going to face physically and emotionally.
I had a call from my uncle and told him about what was going on and I think it just brought back some of the raw emotion from the decision making process that we went through initially. This made me talk to my husband about what we’re going to do once they are here. I know it’s no ones business but I think to stop having to go through everything over and over again or having people confused about things (I’m hoping/pretty confident as a baby no one will know any different it will just be when they are older.) I think it is going to best to just put out a post to welcome our little one and let them know our baby is a spina bifida warrior, already stronger than most people we know having been through surgery before they were born!
This weekend I was also meant to be at one of my best friends 30th birthdays. I am completely gutted that I can’t go, but we couldn’t risk being away from home or anything that could kick start labour.
So we took my wheels out for a walk around a local national trust home. It was really nice to get out, but the wheels started to give up going up hills which meant walking the last 5 mins to the car but luckily it didn’t need to be pushed. So must have just been my fat arse!
Talking of which, when they weighed me at my MRI on Tuesday i had put on 18kgs!!!!! Given the NHS advises 10-15 at 40 weeks I’m massive. Ahhhhhh I’m getting fat again. I did this with the twins too. In fact with them I put on 6 stone. I just appear to carry a lot of weight when pregnant which is crap! 😦
Spina Bifida Baby 