It’s now Friday and I have been home with the twins for two days. I honestly can’t describe how exhausting it is. I’m not allowed to pick them up or give them cuddles which is hard in itself. But I think the hardest part is that they don’t want me. They’ve been with Grandma and Daddy for the last almost two weeks so I can’t really blame them. But they definitely automatically go to Grandma or Daddy for cuddles. Feeling emotionally detached.
I also had a mobility scooter arrive today. Really not sure when I will be up to facing the world but hoping it will help if we want to go for a walk as a family. Actually allowing me to get out without feeling like I am jeopardising the surgery.
Weirdly enough I also had a phone call from the community midwife today asking if I needed emotional support as she is aware how tough I found it when I had the twins. Not sure if she knows the current mountains we are facing but will call her back next week when I can be bothered to face it…promise! On the plus side I’ve had so many beautiful flowers delivered, despite not telling many people about the situation (immediate family and maybe 3 friends). So my house looks amazingly summery!
My sister came over to visit, sounds silly but I don’t really want visitors. I don’t want people to pander to me or be worried about me, I’m fine. I just want people to be normal. But don’t think that’s going to happen. They have all said they know I’m ok but they just need to see it. Selfishly I’m thinking it’s not really about what you need, I’m the one that’s just gone through surgery for our baby. Entirely irrational and it was lovely to see my sister, but just hate people thinking there’s something wrong. I’m fine!
Spina Bifida Baby 